Note to Me

There are no rules for what you’re going through. And it is a lot. A lot for you to bear, a lot for you to share. So it’s okay to stumble and fall. To be bad at it in the end of it all.

Perfection is a myth, as are the rules of age and what ought to be. Your tempo is your own music, as it should be. Give in to fear, give in to tears for now. Give in to the need to give in. Stumble. Lean. Reach. Fall.

And then face the fear head on.

When you’re lost, in the moments that are beyond their costs, in the moments you don’t know what to do: listen to the fear. Let it reason. Let it fill you up. And then do the exact thing it tells you not to.

© That Girl in the Fray, 2018.  All rights reserved.

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Maybe I’m addicted to pain

Maybe I’m addicted to pain,

hiding it within the sockets of my twisted body in the 3am silence

every night,

masking it with the lull of the morning paper

and candid coffee

that I gulp down without a conscious thought,

every morning.

 

Maybe I like the tears I can command to rain down

on the things I hate to hear,

The things I cannot respond to

until the next morning, half past 11,

because every morning,

the storm in me wants to devour the storm around me,

after I have made my futile bed

and combed my hair,

half past 11 the next morning.

 

Maybe I’m still holding on to the things I should let go,

the things that keep my wounds from coagulating,

the things copulating and multiplying,

maybe, because it is who I am.

 

I’m the pain

that I hide under my hide,

even though there is no one who would dare notice it.

 

© That Girl in the Fray, 2018. All rights reserved.

Defeat

I want to say that I’m thankful for the fall

for the pain that has reduced me to a crawl

I want to say that the loss has made me strong

Beyond the colors of right or wrong

I want to say I accept the fate that is mine

that I’m holding up just fine

I want to say that I know the sun shines behind the cloud

that no storm, no thunder can be too loud,

but if I do, I would be lying.

 

I talk in cliches, that’s how I’m wired

My life is a cliche, how can I not be tired.

Tired enough to write this bare simple verse,

beyond the energy to anymore curse.

I envy time travelers with their groundhog day,

I envy people who have people begging them to stay.

I envy the strong, the mighty, the people who fit in,

I envy people who are not punished for their sins.

If I say anything otherwise, I would be lying.

 

© That Girl in the Fray, 2017. All rights reserved.