The Worst of Me

If this post turns out to be the worst one I’ve written yet, will it be sheer irony? If that does happen, I wouldn’t be surprised because, ladies and gentlemen, it gives (the people who hate) me great pleasure to announce that I have become the worst version of myself that has ever existed.

Ever go through a phase where you lose at everything in life? Even at a game of stupid monopoly. No matter what you do or how hard you work, you just cannot get a win to satiate your tattered and ripped to shreds ego. That is me at the moment. Am I blaming my circumstances rather than take responsibility for the things I hate about my life? Maybe. I don’t know. Lately, I don’t seem to know anything.

I just feel so uncomfortable all the time. No matter what I wear or what position I sit or lay down in, I just can’t seem to feel at ease within my body. My mind races at a speed defying every law of physics known to man.

And the worst part of it all- I walk around with thorns all over me and sting every person I come across, especially the ones I love the most. I feel untethered, like I’m floating in space with no connection to anyone. Somehow, I lack the words to explain what I’m going through to people around me. More so, I dread what anyone is going to say, because I know for a fact it is going to make me feel worse about everything and hate myself even more.

Everything feels out of sync. It is hard to believe I’ve ever been so lost and defeated. The worst part is that I feel that way despite all that I’ve been through, all the battles I’ve fought, all my wounds that have turned to scars.

Was it all for nothing?

Will this be for nothing too?

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