Pure satisfaction cannot be denied when the weather is in perfect consonance with the storm in your heart. To see the wind gurgle up dust and leaves and just blast it off the heads of all things and everything. To see chaos when that is all you feel inside. To feel the anger of the sky in the thunder brewing in the air that is far too heavy with the grayness of emotions. And to be maneuvering through it all while the world seems lost in the sudden darkness.
Because, finally, you can paint a picture of your pain for the world to marvel at. Finally, your pain has meaning in the most unprecedented way. Perhaps, not that unprecedented, for paintings of storms have existed before. Maybe the most poignant way then. Because the world cries to you about the pin pricks in their feet while you have been suturing wounds they refuse to see. And if they do, they diminish it to weakness of the skin to bleed, weakness of the blood to flow, weakness of the mind to feel.
You have to be brave, so that it’s easier for them to hurt you again without guilt.
You have to let go, so that they don’t have to deal with the ugliness of your broken heart anymore.
You have to be okay with it, because you are meant to suffer as all the happiness in the world is reserved for them.
You have to accept that they will crown their selfishness while you lie in a ditch gasping for air right before you choke to death.
© That Girl in the Fray, 2018. All rights reserved.