How You’re Not the One

There you go, a caterpillar in a cocoon of narcissism and arrogance. Vain. Egotistical. You smile a smile, showcasing your artificially whitened teeth and utterly high cheekbones on your freshly shaven face. Your cologne chokes people to death because you bathed in it, rather than spraying it on yourself like a normal human being, after you hit the gym to maintain your oh so precious abs. If only you valued humility and compassion as much as you value your abs. You park your uselessly expensive car taking up two parking spaces, not because you’re scared of someone scratching it but because it satisfies your humongous ego. You assume that every girl is in love with you. You assume I am in love with you. But oh my dear half-witted simpleton, I would rather stick pins in my eyes than even think of the possibility of us.

Maybe you’re not all that I’ve described. You’re chivalrous. Gallant. Your polished soul resonates your debonair. You serenade the birds and paint the flowers. Maybe you’re not all that either. But you think I’m falling for that faux charm and my heart is in your palm. Because that is what gives you joy. Or maybe not. But honey, you couldn’t be more wrong. I’m not a fifteen year old. Or an imbecile. Neither are most creatures of my sex.

You see, had you been the one, I would never have been able to speak to you coherently. My awkwardness would have baffled you to the point of doubting my sanity. You would have, numerous times in fact, caught me gaping at your face dimwittedly. While stammering and stuttering, and possibly literally going weak in the knees, I would have asked you if you love travelling. Or books. Or long walks in the library. Or if you believe in destiny. Or if you see the stars as evidence of the existence of magic. Or made you a mixed tape of my favourite records. I never did that, did I? Hate to burst your pristine bubble, but you are so not the one.

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3 thoughts on “How You’re Not the One

  1. “You see, had you been the one, I would never have been able to speak to you coherently.”
    “There you go, a caterpillar in a cocoon of narcissism and arrogance. Vain. Egotistical. You smile a smile, showcasing your artificially whitened teeth and utterly high cheekbones on your freshly shaven face. Your cologne chokes people to death because you bathed in it, rather than spraying it on yourself like a normal human being, after you hit the gym to maintain your oh so precious abs. If only you valued humility and compassion as much as you value your abs”
    “Maybe you’re not all that I’ve described. You’re chivalrous. Gallant. Your polished soul resonates your debonair. You serenade the birds and paint the flowers.”
    “Maybe you’re not all that either. But you think I’m falling for that faux charm and my heart is in your palm. Because that is what gives you joy. Or maybe not. But honey, you couldn’t be more wrong. I’m not a fifteen year old.”
    To have loved someone from afar and for that person to not respond. you are a very clever writer, disguising anger with denial. That is what most of the world would do. Keen observation! Good job!

    • Dear Mr (I’m assuming?) Dark Knight, I feel like you’ve pegged this post entirely wrong. What I’ve tried to do here is describe a typical guy’s attitude in believing every woman (man maybe in some cases) is obsessed with jumping in the sack with them rather than someone loving someone from afar as you put it. This was a character development exercise at a fiction writing workshop I recently attended, but I strongly disagree with your opinion of denial/ anger/ whatever you called me clever for being disguised. All the kind of men I’ve described here are the kind the character loathes. The character I’m writing about was never in love with these men, which is the whole point of this piece, something you seem oblivious to. I advise you to re-read the post without being so prejudiced. It seems like you feel it was directed at you.
      This is a piece of fiction inspired by events over the summer, directed at no living/dead human being.
      (PS: Thank you for taking out the time for quoting me to myself. Appreciated.)

      • Thank you so much for your reply. I did not take it as a person attack although I have been in a similar situation. Your article reminded me of myself. Perhaps that’s why I felt urged to write the comment in the first place. Thank you

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